I'm always torn about the Easter season...
It's sad that Jesus had to go through the things that He had to suffer for our benefit. It's sad that people just can't seem to do the relationship thing very well. We aren't so good at relationships with each other, and worse at maintaining the relationship with God that we were created for. We are so bad at this that God had to give His only son to pay the cost of our sin, to suffer the separation from His Father, and bear on his shoulders all the ugly sins of my life...
It's great that God chose a plan to redeem me rather than leave me, or chose to uncreate the world (if you know what I mean...). So this season also brings me joy in that I know I'm LOVED by my God enough that He would do what ever it cost to give me the chance for this relationship with Him. He won't force it on me, but He will not abandon me either...
Happy Easter, the tomb is EMPTY!!! I'm redeemed.
-me
Friday, March 21, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Thinking about prayer...
Hi empty space...
I have some time here while mom gets her hair done, so I thought I would write..
Last night my small group had a discussion on prayer. We watched Rob Bell's video Open. It was a good video on prayer.
Questions like : Why are we willing to talk to our friends in a honest way when we don't get "real" with God too often? If God is going to do what God is going to do, why pray?
There were other question too, but these were the ones that I really had to stop and think about. I know that God sometimes says no, or not now, to my prayers so questions about that were not real brain twisters for me...
But why do I have a hard time being totally "real" with God? This is one that I struggled with a long time. I am making good progress on this in recent weeks... like the last two. There are bits and pieces of my life that I have not been willing to be real with God about until now. I am giving up on that and being totally open with Him.... It is making a difference and feels very good.
If God knows all and is God why do I have to pray? I find it funny sometimes that I pray for people, and call God's attention to stuff, that I act like he knows nothing about.... Then when I stop and try to pray that about me, I start to think, God knows this already... In the discussion on the previous topic, someone made a good observation. That talking open and honestly with God is a way of working through things like talking to a counselor. And I observed the times in the Exodus that Moses talked to God about doing something or another, and at one point talked God out of destroying the nation. Today while I was driving around this thing came to mind again, and I wondered if maybe God said the things He said to get Moses to say the things and take ownership like he did... hmmm.... I need to go read all that again and think more about it... But the point is that talking to God about things is a way of gaining an understanding of those things for me, as well as seeking God's assistance in those situations.
I'm feeling pretty good with my life these days... not that things have improved much, but last week when I came to the acceptance that this is where I am to be, and what I'm to be doing at this time, it helped A LOT... It was amazing that as I got to that point, relief started to appear. My sister is going to move here for an unspecified amount of time to help me with caring for mom. And in the other major matter of my life, things also have not changed but I do know that I will be ok with God, even if I am struggling with, and in, the situation...
long pause goes here... mom's hair was done and I didn't get back to this until the next morning...
Last night I started to wonder about something else related to prayer... something I see in the Exodus as well... If I am feeling distressed it is so easy to talk to God about it, even in the times that I am not honest about what is going on, its easy to complain to Him... But when I am feeling ok, will it be as easy to be focused on God, and be looking for reminders of Him, keep seeking Him?!?!? I hope to learn from Israel on this one. It's just as important to stay connected to God in the good times, though much easier to be distracted. But the bible is loaded with examples of failure being brought on, by getting too comfortable in the good times, getting lazy about time with God, feeling like I can handle things now... David, Solomon, Uzziah (sp?), the nation of Israel... This is something I'm going to be talking to God about starting now, I want my life to be His in both times that are good as well as the times that are hard.
Ok... I want to close this for now, and go do my time with God...
Be well empty space...
--me
I have some time here while mom gets her hair done, so I thought I would write..
Last night my small group had a discussion on prayer. We watched Rob Bell's video Open. It was a good video on prayer.
Questions like : Why are we willing to talk to our friends in a honest way when we don't get "real" with God too often? If God is going to do what God is going to do, why pray?
There were other question too, but these were the ones that I really had to stop and think about. I know that God sometimes says no, or not now, to my prayers so questions about that were not real brain twisters for me...
But why do I have a hard time being totally "real" with God? This is one that I struggled with a long time. I am making good progress on this in recent weeks... like the last two. There are bits and pieces of my life that I have not been willing to be real with God about until now. I am giving up on that and being totally open with Him.... It is making a difference and feels very good.
If God knows all and is God why do I have to pray? I find it funny sometimes that I pray for people, and call God's attention to stuff, that I act like he knows nothing about.... Then when I stop and try to pray that about me, I start to think, God knows this already... In the discussion on the previous topic, someone made a good observation. That talking open and honestly with God is a way of working through things like talking to a counselor. And I observed the times in the Exodus that Moses talked to God about doing something or another, and at one point talked God out of destroying the nation. Today while I was driving around this thing came to mind again, and I wondered if maybe God said the things He said to get Moses to say the things and take ownership like he did... hmmm.... I need to go read all that again and think more about it... But the point is that talking to God about things is a way of gaining an understanding of those things for me, as well as seeking God's assistance in those situations.
I'm feeling pretty good with my life these days... not that things have improved much, but last week when I came to the acceptance that this is where I am to be, and what I'm to be doing at this time, it helped A LOT... It was amazing that as I got to that point, relief started to appear. My sister is going to move here for an unspecified amount of time to help me with caring for mom. And in the other major matter of my life, things also have not changed but I do know that I will be ok with God, even if I am struggling with, and in, the situation...
long pause goes here... mom's hair was done and I didn't get back to this until the next morning...
Last night I started to wonder about something else related to prayer... something I see in the Exodus as well... If I am feeling distressed it is so easy to talk to God about it, even in the times that I am not honest about what is going on, its easy to complain to Him... But when I am feeling ok, will it be as easy to be focused on God, and be looking for reminders of Him, keep seeking Him?!?!? I hope to learn from Israel on this one. It's just as important to stay connected to God in the good times, though much easier to be distracted. But the bible is loaded with examples of failure being brought on, by getting too comfortable in the good times, getting lazy about time with God, feeling like I can handle things now... David, Solomon, Uzziah (sp?), the nation of Israel... This is something I'm going to be talking to God about starting now, I want my life to be His in both times that are good as well as the times that are hard.
Ok... I want to close this for now, and go do my time with God...
Be well empty space...
--me
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I spent lots of time thinking today...
I was working away writing code and listening to Rob Bell's sermon from 3/9/08 at Mars Hill... He was talking about something Paul wrote in Philippians. He was struggling with the idea that it would be nice to go (die), but that if he was going to stay, that would be ok too. Rob talked about how disjointed that sentence was in the original Greek, and how it was likely that Paul was really struggling with the circumstances of his life then, but that he knew that he believed that God was out there somewhere, and that Jesus had come to redeem things and save us... [Can you imagine how Paul would have felt without the knowledge of God and His Love... I can... ] Rob went on to give some other examples of how the convictions of a person can keep them grounded in a time where they are really struggling with the circumstances of life and what they are going through... He gave the one that has sustained me in the deepest dark nights... Jesus in the garden the night He was arrested... I have read that so many times these last few years, and known that I was not to the point of sweating drops of blood, but that I understand how that could physically happen... I am well back from that point right now, but I have been where Paul was.
The load right now is heavy... over 3 years since the life I had ended, and I'm still going through court trials... My mom is living with me because dad died last year, and she cannot remember things anymore... To go home would be great, but my circumstances are not like Paul's and that does not seem near. To stay will be joy (at times) and hard, but I'm not here alone... I have friends. I have family. I have my convictions that I know God is there and Jesus has saved me, and these convictions of my soul keep turning me back to look for God on the dark nights when I can't see anything else... I have purpose here, at this time.
I stopped praying for relief a while ago... because I just could not stand the silence... but others have prayed, and God has responded... My sister is going to leave her home and job for a time and come to live with me here to help. I look forward to the help.
I came to a realization about my life this morning in my Qt.. I pray a lot for God to guide me into His will. That I want to be doing what He wants me to be doing. And then I figure because it's not all sunshine and flowers... Joy and happiness... that I must not be in His will... when I think the honest truth is that I am right where He wants me to be at this time.... So rather than beat myself up over what I am not doing, I need to be looking for the joy in what I am doing, because it's there if I just accept it...
Bye empty space...
-me
The load right now is heavy... over 3 years since the life I had ended, and I'm still going through court trials... My mom is living with me because dad died last year, and she cannot remember things anymore... To go home would be great, but my circumstances are not like Paul's and that does not seem near. To stay will be joy (at times) and hard, but I'm not here alone... I have friends. I have family. I have my convictions that I know God is there and Jesus has saved me, and these convictions of my soul keep turning me back to look for God on the dark nights when I can't see anything else... I have purpose here, at this time.
I stopped praying for relief a while ago... because I just could not stand the silence... but others have prayed, and God has responded... My sister is going to leave her home and job for a time and come to live with me here to help. I look forward to the help.
I came to a realization about my life this morning in my Qt.. I pray a lot for God to guide me into His will. That I want to be doing what He wants me to be doing. And then I figure because it's not all sunshine and flowers... Joy and happiness... that I must not be in His will... when I think the honest truth is that I am right where He wants me to be at this time.... So rather than beat myself up over what I am not doing, I need to be looking for the joy in what I am doing, because it's there if I just accept it...
Bye empty space...
-me
Saturday, March 1, 2008
puzzle progress... or the lack there of...
I don't have a new picture of the puzzle tonight... but it has not moved much...
I found a wad of what looks like a puzzle piece... I have a picture that I'll post tomorrow... I don't feel like going to get the camera right now.... So I think Rico has been chewing some pieces... Which will make it a challenge to finish... :-)
Things with mom are hard. She does not mean to be hard to care for. In fact she does not understand why she can't live alone and care for herself. Some days she cannot even remember where she is... I need to journal the process of caring for her...
I have made lots of progress with Rico this month. We now walk mostly without the leash at all. He will for the most part heel right next to me when I walk. He likes the freedom to run at full speed when we are out. We are getting along great. There are still times that he is skittish, but we are getting closer.
---me
I found a wad of what looks like a puzzle piece... I have a picture that I'll post tomorrow... I don't feel like going to get the camera right now.... So I think Rico has been chewing some pieces... Which will make it a challenge to finish... :-)
Things with mom are hard. She does not mean to be hard to care for. In fact she does not understand why she can't live alone and care for herself. Some days she cannot even remember where she is... I need to journal the process of caring for her...
I have made lots of progress with Rico this month. We now walk mostly without the leash at all. He will for the most part heel right next to me when I walk. He likes the freedom to run at full speed when we are out. We are getting along great. There are still times that he is skittish, but we are getting closer.
---me
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