Hi Empty Space,
I went to my sister's for Christmas, she spent time trying to "enhance my Christmas experience"... She did a great job... I had a wonderful time for Christmas...
I have other things to deal with. My mother is going to have to live with me, as she can no longer care for herself. This is going to be hard, and I know that.
ok.. well I don't feel like writing any more...
-me
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
train wrecks...
Hi empty space...
Today I witnessed what seemed like a train wreck... I had hoped my mom's condition would get diagnosed... but that didn't happen as I expected, and more than that she ended up hurt and very angry at me, crying and wishing my dad was still alive... I thought all the way home how I know that God is involved in things that happen, and how so often what we see as a train wreck is actually God making some needed changes in our lives...
I have been involved in several MAJOR train wrecks in recent years... I won't even list them all... but I know that God has been making changes in me... needed changes... and that at sometime, I will begin to understand the reasons for all the seemingly mean wrecks, and I will be living a life that is filled with good feelings and good things... Right now though some of the collateral damage of the train wrecks hurts.
The good thing from today's wreck is that I have made connections to begin to truly help my mom and my family cope with what is going on. It may turn out that she can be easily helped, though not likely. In any case I will be able to get the support I need to get through the times ahead, and she will get high quality care (if I have anything to say about it all...)
There are days that I am truly not happy with the situations of my life, but I know that all of this is helping me turn to God in deeper and deeper ways, and that I am happy about. I hope that there is a time in the future where God will use me to help others, and everything I have been through will help me in that time.
--me
Today I witnessed what seemed like a train wreck... I had hoped my mom's condition would get diagnosed... but that didn't happen as I expected, and more than that she ended up hurt and very angry at me, crying and wishing my dad was still alive... I thought all the way home how I know that God is involved in things that happen, and how so often what we see as a train wreck is actually God making some needed changes in our lives...
I have been involved in several MAJOR train wrecks in recent years... I won't even list them all... but I know that God has been making changes in me... needed changes... and that at sometime, I will begin to understand the reasons for all the seemingly mean wrecks, and I will be living a life that is filled with good feelings and good things... Right now though some of the collateral damage of the train wrecks hurts.
The good thing from today's wreck is that I have made connections to begin to truly help my mom and my family cope with what is going on. It may turn out that she can be easily helped, though not likely. In any case I will be able to get the support I need to get through the times ahead, and she will get high quality care (if I have anything to say about it all...)
There are days that I am truly not happy with the situations of my life, but I know that all of this is helping me turn to God in deeper and deeper ways, and that I am happy about. I hope that there is a time in the future where God will use me to help others, and everything I have been through will help me in that time.
--me
Monday, December 17, 2007
interruptions...
Hi,
I have been thinking about divine interruptions for a couple of days now. My life has seen some interruptions in the last few years that have me wondering what.... I lost my whole family to a divorce. My wife decided she does not want me and my son has not spoken to me since Feb 22, 2005 and this year told me to never attempt to contact him again... I even lost my dog, who was taken to florida where she later died... Just as I seemed to be getting my life on track, a woman came into it, and it was interrupted again. This woman and I did not share a common faith which had become the center of my life, but none the less I fell for her, then she left town, and then she came back... but we never really made a deep connection... Then my father died, and once again my life was rocked by an interruption. For a time I was driving 400 miles a day trying to live two lives, and doing a crummy job at both... Now my mom is very lost and I am trying to help hold her together, and again my life is interrupted...
I wonder where God is taking me with all these interruptions. Am I being pushed to break? Am I to lose my job too? Am I in His will at all?
I wanted to start a coffee shop after my wife left, but I have nothing left to start it with. Just tonight I was thinking how incapable I am of doing the work I get paid for today, how could I possibly run a business...
ok... I'm going to pray about this. I know God is there and that He hears me when I pray even when I don't hear Him when He speaks...
bye empty space..
me
I have been thinking about divine interruptions for a couple of days now. My life has seen some interruptions in the last few years that have me wondering what.... I lost my whole family to a divorce. My wife decided she does not want me and my son has not spoken to me since Feb 22, 2005 and this year told me to never attempt to contact him again... I even lost my dog, who was taken to florida where she later died... Just as I seemed to be getting my life on track, a woman came into it, and it was interrupted again. This woman and I did not share a common faith which had become the center of my life, but none the less I fell for her, then she left town, and then she came back... but we never really made a deep connection... Then my father died, and once again my life was rocked by an interruption. For a time I was driving 400 miles a day trying to live two lives, and doing a crummy job at both... Now my mom is very lost and I am trying to help hold her together, and again my life is interrupted...
I wonder where God is taking me with all these interruptions. Am I being pushed to break? Am I to lose my job too? Am I in His will at all?
I wanted to start a coffee shop after my wife left, but I have nothing left to start it with. Just tonight I was thinking how incapable I am of doing the work I get paid for today, how could I possibly run a business...
ok... I'm going to pray about this. I know God is there and that He hears me when I pray even when I don't hear Him when He speaks...
bye empty space..
me
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Saturday morning...
Hi empty space,
Mom has been with me for going on 3 days this time.. yesterday I got an email from a friend that made me take a hard look at what I am seeing in her. The friend suggested that mom's condition might not be Alzheimer's, but might instead be dementia. So I went googling.. It does seem that her symptoms are more consistent with dementia. The bright spot in this is that it might be something that can be changed. But, it might not, so I am going to be patient. Losing Dad and effectively losing mom in the same year has been a lot to take. Right now I feel so numb that I don't even care that Christmas is a week away. With all the punishment I have been taking mentally since 2005, I am not getting my hopes up about anything. Today I am letting her try to make some cookies in the kitchen... we'll see how that goes.
Last week I got to a place of deciding that I need to be making the hard choices and getting things moving so that my mom would move here permanently and my sister and her daughter can move on with their lives. (my sister and nice, now that's a whole other can of worms there...). Now I have to wonder if I am moving too fast. I guess we'll see what happens next week at the dr's. you see, mom's dr called my sister yesterday, and they also think it is dementia, and want to see mom next tuesday... which is a bummer because I was not planning to make an extra trip to VA next week.. ah well... I do want to find out what is wrong with mom.
ok.. well, I'm going to go for now.
-me
Mom has been with me for going on 3 days this time.. yesterday I got an email from a friend that made me take a hard look at what I am seeing in her. The friend suggested that mom's condition might not be Alzheimer's, but might instead be dementia. So I went googling.. It does seem that her symptoms are more consistent with dementia. The bright spot in this is that it might be something that can be changed. But, it might not, so I am going to be patient. Losing Dad and effectively losing mom in the same year has been a lot to take. Right now I feel so numb that I don't even care that Christmas is a week away. With all the punishment I have been taking mentally since 2005, I am not getting my hopes up about anything. Today I am letting her try to make some cookies in the kitchen... we'll see how that goes.
Last week I got to a place of deciding that I need to be making the hard choices and getting things moving so that my mom would move here permanently and my sister and her daughter can move on with their lives. (my sister and nice, now that's a whole other can of worms there...). Now I have to wonder if I am moving too fast. I guess we'll see what happens next week at the dr's. you see, mom's dr called my sister yesterday, and they also think it is dementia, and want to see mom next tuesday... which is a bummer because I was not planning to make an extra trip to VA next week.. ah well... I do want to find out what is wrong with mom.
ok.. well, I'm going to go for now.
-me
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Empty Space...
hi Empty Space...
This is a place that I will come to say what is on my mind to no one in particular...
-me
This is a place that I will come to say what is on my mind to no one in particular...
-me
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