I find that as I watch mom struggle with her condition that the enemy of peace is desire for control. [I wonder how much of what I see in her is the future that awaits me.] I know that in the days that I have felt the most at peace are the days where I accept that I can't control what is going on in the case against me. I can give up and rollover, but that is not having peace, that is not facing the problem. Or I can give up control, and really look to follow where God is leading even when it does not seem to make sense. And the days I am the lowest are the days that I spend thinking about what goes on in court, and what it means to me and my future.
I wonder as I watch mom struggle to control her thoughts, and struggle to control the situations around her, whether I would be able to release control if I were in her place.
As hard as my struggles have been over the last three years, they are nothing compared to the struggle of losing control of your mind.
I pray for her to find peace. And I pray for me to continue to learn to give up control...
--me
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